Do It. Sexy book signings.

I just got back from Boston, land of au naturel beauties donning weather-appropriate, reasonable footwear. I watched them trudge through the ice and snow to their top-ranking universities where they crank out theses about Important Academic Topics. I listened to them talk in coffee shops about professors and studying in Italy and political issues in Latin America. I noticed how dorky their knit panda-bear hats and mismatching outfits really are*. It is certain that these young ladies will contribute great things to this country one day. I observed them, like the alien outsider I now am, and admired.

But what about that rare breed of woman who dares to follow--and successfully hikes--the fabeled, less traveled road? Well, they end up here, in Los Angeles. They bypass internships and take out loans for headshots. Their contributions to society are controversial, glossy, and visceral. But these women are also smart. They know how to market themselves, become great businesswomen. And then they write books, too. Ones that sell, suckas.

They're not rocket scientists. They're porn stars. God love them.

In the great literary tradition of Jenna Jameson (How To Make Love Like a Porn Star was the single best book I read my freshman year of college. Sorry, The Illiad), TWO of these lovely ladies have in-store appearances to promote their latest works at local book stores tonight.

Tera Patrick--who has a degree in Biology--just released her tell-all, Sinner Takes All: A Memoir of Love and Porn, on the 5th and will be hanging out for an intimate reading at Book Soup in West Hollywood.

Burlesque icon and fetish film star Dita Von Teese will be at Daily Planet on Franklin to discuss Dita: Stripteese, a trio of flip books documenting her famous acts--including the legendary Martini Glass Dance. A show-all, if you will.

Both start at 7pm, so choose wisely. My vote is for Patrick. Her title has the more clever pun.

*This is kind of cruel. But after 9 months here, the "collegiate cool" style was so glaringly ridiculous. Really? A beanie with ears? You're twenty.

-- Heather Robertson

Photo credit: booksoup.com